Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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