Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
