Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
