I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
