Whod you bang
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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