we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
