What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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