I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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