covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Alive.
So much puke
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
