I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
