I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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