Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
