Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
