I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
