you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
