Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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