nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
