Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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