wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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