Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
