He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
