Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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