I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
