It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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