Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
