non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
