Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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