you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
