oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
