dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
