I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
