he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
