Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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