she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
