I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
