My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
