I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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