wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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