Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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