We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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