I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
