I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
