It's Friday. Sex?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
