So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
