i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
