I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
