You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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