3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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