My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
