I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
