just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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