you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
