if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
