I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
