ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just fell off a train. Bad.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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