My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
