She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
