she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
