I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
