Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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