babies were throwing up all over the place
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
