I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
