Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
