Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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