all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
