i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
