Michael Bay diarrhea
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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