I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
