Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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