I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
