When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Randomize
