It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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