I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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