This dress was meant to end up on your floor
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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