They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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