my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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